Hello everyone,
I hope you’re all well and had a wonderful holiday season. I’m taking advantage of this quiet end of January to write to you.
“The loneliness of the autistic teenager” is a subject I wanted to broach with you:
-to share with you what’s going on at home
-and to discuss with you what’s happening at your home.
I was a little worried at the start of the school year for our aspergirl because she changed schools: she needed a fresh start (I’ll tell you about that in another article soon) and a more stimulating program for her atypical brain. So, new school, new teachers and new classmates – with an added difficulty: they all know each other for several years.
So I was a little stressed for my big princess about her integration. At the first “parent-teacher” meeting, my husband asked her teachers if things were going well with the others (being left out, problems…). They tell him that everything’s fine, that she’s working with others… It is going well, even if she’s not giving us much details… Teenagers…
She wrote me a lot during her lunch break at the first few weeks: here in Canada, there’s no canteen but a common room where students eat what they bring or what they’ve ordered from the caterer and/or outside. She doesn’t have any friends to share her break with yet. And when I asked her if the day went well, all I got is “Yes – it did!” with no further details.
As the weeks pass, she doesn’t tell us much more about her classmates except to say they’re lame, stupid and uninteresting… That’s promising! My husband and I are wondering: are there any worries? But that’s when she told us about going to the library with a friend for a talk… YES YES! She seems to be fitting in…
But there was a problem with this classmate. She told us about it (which is excellent!), and we helped her deal with the conflict.
After that, we kept a close eye on our daughter to see if there was a problem with the others or if, on the contrary, she was making friends.
But she always told us the same thing: “They’re stupid and borring, and all they talk about is weird stuff…”.
So we didn’t insist, and at the next appointment with her therapist, I told her about it so she could see with our daughter if everything was okay at school and if she didn’t feel alone… And her answer took away a considerable amount of stress:
“NOT AT ALL! SHE LIVES IT VERY WELL!”
Her therapist explained to me that many young autistic people (note that this doesn’t apply to all autistic teenagers!) feel good to be alone, doing their own thing, their restricted interests because they’re entirely out of step with young people of their own age!
My daughter’s interests are completely different from those of her classroom: she’s into manga, drawing, video games… fantasy! And not yet the obsession of many 15-year-old girls: finding a boyfriend!
What’s more, she even finds herself out of step regarding behaviour. For example, she’s curious about many subjects like politics, which is different for the students in her classroom…
And frankly, she’s not affected by not having any friends at her new school. She has 2 or 3 friends outside the school with whom she chats on social networks and by message, and she’s okay with that. Sometimes, I even suggest she bring her best friend to our house, but she tells me she’s not interested in . Chatting with her friends by message suits her perfectly, even if she’s happy when she sees them for birthday parties,… But she’s not in demand for this kind of outing. As time passes, she chats with 1 or 2 girls in her class, but that’s as far as it goes.
Moreover, the school system means it takes work to bond, as the classes will be changed at the end of January because they’re changing courses… So, for her, it’s positive because she figures she’ll be able to find other people to talk to, as she’ll have “art courses.” But if that doesn’t happen, it won’t make much of a difference for her!
Ultimately, the most important thing is that she doesn’t suffer and lives well with the situation. However, we remain vigilant about potential negative feelings linked to loneliness because we know that with teenagers, things can sometimes go very bad, very quickly!
How about you? Are your autistic teens more solitary or social? Feel free to share your experience in the comments or by private message!
I hope January has gone well for all your atypical and neurotypical children!
See you soon,
1…2…3… Let’s share!!!!
